definitely maybe

 photo q1_zpsc403d1c6.jpg Darwin Insigne Ricamonte
4107 CAVITE PHI

  A doodler, potterhead, pianist, football fan. A servant. What you need to understand about me is that i'm a deeply emotional person. I don't need anyone to think i'm cool make me feel fine about myself. I rarely get angry. I rarely cry. I guess I do get excited a lot. ツ

The one who got away.


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Since Sept. 29, 2012
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"And the blog is back, but not the blogger."
"There comes a point in our lives that we’ll look for someone who will understand what’s on the deepest chambers of our hearts. And that someone does not necessarily have to be a person, it could be a blog perhaps. It’s where your trust can sleep even without a blanket in a cold night. Something or someone who will calm the hurricane of our emotions. If you found your heaven in earth, don’t ever hesitate to be your real self.

Say all the words you wish to say, scream if necessary. Let it go, all the pain in your heart and the happiness too, for this life isn’t just about the times when you’re frowning. Life is full of happy memories let it grow in the core of your heart. In your heaven, it’s all about you. Love your heaven, in that way you are loving yourself too. Don’t let anybody take away the smile in your face. Guard yourself with the warmth of your hugs so even when there’s no one else to lean onto you’ll be able to survive the coldness of life. And always put in the pockets of your heart and in your mind that you’re important. Don’t ever lose yourself in a world full of people who try to be someone else. And if life seems to be not so good to you, don’t worry for it can’t rain forever. All the vague pieces of the puzzle will make sense, eventually."
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
"Can I be that one person? That one you’ll be afraid to lose. That one you’d think about all day and before you sleep at night. The one you’ll be proud of having in your life. The one you talk about with your friends. The one you want to talk with — you’ll always reply fast to. The one you check from time to time because you care. The one that makes your day, the one you’d do anything for. The one you smile nonstop about. The last person you’d ever thought of hurting. The person to complete your life — the one you’ll treat as your better-half. Will that be too much to ask?"
Sunday, August 4, 2013
"That’s what they do, okay? They act like they love you! They act like they’ll be there forever! And then one day they pack up all their stuff and move away, and take their love with them."
Thursday, August 1, 2013
"Heartbreak is a side effect of loving. It is inevitable. Because when you madly fell in love, you learn to surrender what guards your heart. And when that happens the person who serves as the source of your strength is also your weakness. That person who made your soul feels complete is the same monster who will destroy you and everything you believe to be magical — something that is worth-fighting for."
Monday, July 29, 2013
"I love you but I love myself even more now. That’s why i’m building this wall between us. The wall which you pushed me to build anyway. Yes, this is taking a step away from you. This is letting everything go. Something that I should have done before. If you won’t love me and will never take care of me anymore, I will love and take care of myself. Or maybe I will wait for someone who actually will. Someone who is willing to break the walls I built and make me feel the butterflies — the zoo in my stomach."
Sunday, July 28, 2013
"And I feel bad for myself that after being broken by you I can’t be mad at you. I hate myself. I hate that I can’t hate you. It’s the kind of hate which hurts. I’m mad at myself for constantly needing you, missing you, wishing for you, thinking about you, changing for you, depending on you, putting so much effort for you and wasting my time on hoping you’d comeback. I so hate that I can’t hate you knowing that I should. I still love you and that what is constantly hurting me. I really feel bad for myself for loving you this way, this much."
Saturday, July 27, 2013
"Most people think i’m a heartbreaker. What they don’t know about me is that in fact i’m the “heartbreakee”. I’m the one who always loves more. I’m the one who gets attached longer. I am the pathetic slave of love — the martyr in the relationship. I’m the one who tries to understand the situation. The one to lower the pride. The one to ask for forgiveness even if it wasn’t my fault. I’m the one to show love, to make the one I love hear, feel and see how much more I can give. I’m the one who go insane whenever there are misunderstandings. I keep the relationship going even if it’s already one-sided. I’m the the one being abandoned. The one who always got walked away from. I’m the one who got hurt and felt like dying every single day. I’ve experienced all of these just because I fell in love."
Friday, July 26, 2013
"

I was once broken. But look at me now, i’m back in track. People would always say that break up ruins life. That may be true. But for me, I see break up as something that would make you think about things and look at it in deeper perspective. It’s teaching you that just because you love someone and you want that person so badly, doesn’t mean you should end up being together for the rest of your lives. That just because the relationship ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t true love.



It happens — people walk away from people they love and take different paths. And maybe the brighter side of breaking up is it sets you free. It’s ironic, isn’t it? “brighter side of being broken”. In that very moment after the 3-month rule, you have your life back. And from there you can start putting all the broken little pieces back together. It may be hard, but one thing I’ve learned in life is we should keep going.

"
Tuesday, July 9, 2013

98 days after the break up. The 3-month rule was finish. We are officially freed from our previous relationship. I don’t want to say that it’s my “past” relationship because I know that i’m not completely over it yet. This is how hard moving on is. I never really thought it would be this tiring. You know, doing things in a day making your self believe that you don’t miss her anymore and when the day is over you’ll just break down because the truth is she never left your mind. 

98 days have passed and I can’t even say that I’ve already moved on. This was never easy. I make people think that i’m actually fine although memories always haunt me. Sometimes i’m fine but most of the times when I think of her, I always feel bad for myself — for losing the person I thought would be my lifetime partner.

98 days, I hate that i’m good in counting. I just can’t forget the day she said good bye. It’s been more than three months, yes, time passed by so fast. Last night, we talked to each other, I can’t make my self not care for her. It’s late and she’s not yet home. So I texted her and she told me about what happened. The exchange of messages was not like before anymore, just like what I expected. And I worry so I tried to suggest some help, but she said that she can do it by herself. Yes, maybe she can now. The "kaya natin ‘to" turned into “kaya ko na.”

Monday, July 8, 2013
Saturday, July 6, 2013
      The 3-Month Rule. It says that after the break up both of you 
should wait for 3 months before entering a relationship again. It's
a protocol. It isn't really mandated but if you respect your partner
enough, you'll obey this rule. And that maybe during those 3 months
you'll both realize whether you should come back to each other or
just let go.

             91st day after the break up — 5 640 hours, 327 600 minutes, 19 565 000 seconds.Tell me, how do you want me to count how long the person I love was gone? This is the day when I should set her free, the day I have to let go. Also the day to accept that it’s over — that no matter how I badly want it to last, it’s now gone.From this day forward I lose all my right to her. I can no longer tell her what she must do, I can’t ask about her life anymore, I should not show as much love that I have for her before. Because basically, things are different now. She’s not mine anymore. 

     I can't hold her hand anymore whenever I want to. I can't kiss her anywhere. I can't hug her when we meet. I can't say that I love her more often, I should not do that because from now on, she got her life back to herself and to whoever she would fall in love with. I'm not the best person to protect her because i'm no longer his man. But I will still care for her and would always love her. Because I still believe that being in love with her is one of the best things that ever happened to my life. 

This ugly heart I have will always long for her. Because feelings will stay forever. And if she’s happy with someone else now, I should be happy too. I want her to be genuinely happy. Maybe our “forever” is not bound to exist in this lifetime. And even if this is how things end up, she’ll always be my “the one who got away.”

Thursday, June 27, 2013

      Ang hirap kapag inuunti unti kang iwan ng taong sobrang mahal mo. Minsan akala kasi okay yun para hindi ka daw masyado masaktan pero sa totoo lang ang sakit nung pinaparamdam niya sayo na mawawala na siya sa buhay mo. Yung parang pinuputol niya muna yung mga paa mo para hindi ka na lumapit sa kanya, yung bibig mo para di mo na siya kausapin, yung mga kamay mo para di mo na siya yakapin at hawakan ang mga kamay niya.

     Yung nararamdaman mong unti unti ka niyang binubura sa buhay niya, sobrang sakit nun. Kasi ang hirap kapag nawala yung sobrang mahal mo at nasanay ka nang andiyan siya. Yung sistema ng katawan mo palagi siyang hinahanap. Yung usapan, paglalambingan, mga yakap, halik at iba pang mga memories na hindi naman basta bastang mawawala na parang unti unti niyang tinatanggal sayo. Wala talagang madali at hindi masakit na paraaan para iwan ang isang tao lalo na kung mahal na mahal ka niya. Kaya sana wala nalang iwanan. Lalo na kung handa ka namang ipaglaban at panindigan. :(

Saturday, June 22, 2013

                                    Six Degrees of Separation

        First, you think the worst is a broken heart
         What’s gonna kill you is the second part
  And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
   And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself
          Fifth, you see them out with someone else 
        And the sixth, is when you admit that you may
                  have messed up a little.

Friday, June 21, 2013
Noon: Gaano mo ba ako kamahal?
Ngayon: Hanggang kailan mo ako mahal?
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Gising na po kami. Gambling mode habang nagluluto ng breakfast. Mga 4am na kami nakatulog pero sila mga 6am ata. Ang ingay nila , mga nag aadik sa candy crush amuta. Tapos nagising na din kami, walangya nag adik sa video ni Miranda dun sa just give me a reason parody. Mga 3 times namin pinanood yun ng sunod sunod. Grabe laughtrip talaga kung mapapanood niyo lang din. 
Yung 3 naglalaro ng tong its, ang laki ng mga tayaan nila umabot ng hundreds tapos si charles na yung natatalo. Ako yung lucky charm ni guil kaya medyo panalo siya. Ayun ngayon habang ineedit ko to, natatalo na siya kasi hindi na niya ako katabi. Ano pa ba sasabihin ko par humaba to at maayos tignan sa blog. Hahahaha wala na. Mwa

Gising na po kami. Gambling mode habang nagluluto ng breakfast. Mga 4am na kami nakatulog pero sila mga 6am ata. Ang ingay nila , mga nag aadik sa candy crush amuta. Tapos nagising na din kami, walangya nag adik sa video ni Miranda dun sa just give me a reason parody. Mga 3 times namin pinanood yun ng sunod sunod. Grabe laughtrip talaga kung mapapanood niyo lang din. Yung 3 naglalaro ng tong its, ang laki ng mga tayaan nila umabot ng hundreds tapos si charles na yung natatalo. Ako yung lucky charm ni guil kaya medyo panalo siya. Ayun ngayon habang ineedit ko to, natatalo na siya kasi hindi na niya ako katabi. Ano pa ba sasabihin ko par humaba to at maayos tignan sa blog. Hahahaha wala na. Mwa

 
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